:(

     How can I be so proud and sad with the same ending of a book? Sad, for obvious reasons and proud with many things. In the last few chapters of the book, people let themselves show emotionally vulnerability to other people. When Jefferson opened up to the schoolchildren, we understood the importance of community in Jefferson’s life. Knowing this only made it harder to see him in the cell. Cut off from society, they took away anyone he could talk to; they left him to deal with the trauma by himself. Unsurprisingly, he did not deal with it well, the fist interactions with Jefferson are rough to say the least. Part of the problem with the interactions had to do with grant as well. Grant first started going to the jail only to satisfy Ms. Emma and his aunt’s request. He had already taught Jefferson and he didn’t know what else he could do, and below all of that he also didn’t want to get attached. Finally, both Jefferson and Grant started opening up to each other. Grant found a way to reach Jefferson by giving Jefferson ear that will listen to him, even if Jefferson doesn’t want to say anything he at least has someone there for him.

     Grant showed his investment in Jefferson the day they paced around the day room as Grant talked about heroism. That long monologue from Grant wasn’t something anyone asked him to do. By the end of the monologue, Jefferson was in tears. Tears are hard thing to understand since they can mean so many different things. Maybe Jefferson was crying because Grant showed he cared for him, or maybe Jefferson was crying because he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. Whatever it may have been he demonstrated emotional vulnerability and let Grant know that something he said reached Jefferson. After that meeting with Jefferson, Grant went out for some drinks where he ended up fighting two brick layers who talked poorly about Jefferson. In the beginning of the book when people talked poorly of Jefferson, Grant didn’t seem to care, but now he felt the need to defend him by attacking them. In different instance, reverend Ambrose accuses Grant of leading Jefferson down the path of sin. Again, Grant defends Jefferson. More and more, Grant shows that the situation with Jefferson is personal to Grant.

     Everything in the book—the talks with Jefferson, the fights in the bar, and the meetings with the children—all lead to the death of Jefferson. We knew this from the beginning, but it still hit hard. In the last moments of the book, as Grant walks into his classroom after hearing the news. I wanted to hug him. Crying is a very natural response, but again very hard to decipher. I’m willing to bet it had to do with where he cried. After the news he walks into the school and faces all the children. Seeing all the children reminded him of Jefferson’s beginnings. At some point Jefferson was just another innocent child and on day all the children will grow up  to face the unjust system. Grants head is spinning trying not to think of the terrible cycled system, but his mind can only think of one other thing and he doesn’t want to think about that. In the end his love for Jefferson overwhelms him and he is left crying, wishing he could’ve told Jefferson how much he cared for him.